I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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