So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
