Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
