i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
