Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
