I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
