I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
