I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You took a bar mat shot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
