ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who died my cat blue again?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
