One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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