Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
