conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
