We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
