I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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