every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
