i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to make out with him forever
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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