I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
