i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
