look no pants
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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