I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
