Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
