my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
