It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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