He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
