This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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