i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
