I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
