so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
