I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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