Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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