PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
