if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
