So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
