Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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