My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
high people should be assigned attendants
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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