I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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