Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
