yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
