I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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