My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can I color on your dick again?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
