Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
