We named our party play list daddy issues
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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