I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
