I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
