Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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