Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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