i think my tv is drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want a musical about memes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
