I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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