I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
