So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
