I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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